We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
