I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
