Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
