I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Randomize
