$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
