Slut skills are useful in every country.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
