So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
