Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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