She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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