now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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