she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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