It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
