Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
