i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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