Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
