I accidentally burped into my bong.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
