I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
