Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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