fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
