I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
