My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
So vagazzling was a success
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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