1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
