Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
