hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
