That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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