Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
COCAINE IS GR8
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
