that's what penises do
they tell lies.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
