Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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