I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
