you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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