She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
