More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
