I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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