Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
