come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
we're so committed to being not committed
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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