it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
