my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
