New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
