No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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