His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
