The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I am one with the molecules
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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