just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
