Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
