it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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