Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I have post one night stand depression
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
