So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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