This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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