did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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