Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
