I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
