So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
