I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
