she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just googled if crying burns calories
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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