This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
