I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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