toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
