There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
