theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
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